Note to Self: Stop Questioning Your Worth

You keep wondering when you’ll be there. You keep wondering when it will all click. You keep wondering when you’ll change. You keep wondering when you’ll be good enough.

I’m here to tell you that you are worthy. You’re always changing, even as you may not notice it.
I’m here to tell you that you matter. Your mere existence is a testimony of your belonging.
I’m here to tell you that who you are is enough.
Embrace this space you’re in and stop questioning your worth.

You keep wondering when you’ll do all you put your mind to. You keep wondering when you’ll become who you say you want to be. You keep wondering when you’ll reach your potential. You keep wondering when you’ll be good enough.

I’m here to tell you that where you are is exactly where you should be.
I’m here to tell you that you can’t rush perfection. You’re blooming according to your timing.
I’m here to tell you that what you offer at this moment is valuable.

Embrace who you are today and stop questioning your worth.

You keep wondering and questioning, but I’m here to tell you this: stop questioning your worth. You matter irrespective of what you do. Who you are today is beautiful and significant. Who you choose to be tomorrow is entirely up to you. But you don’t need to do anything to matter. Believe in your birthright to matter.

Dears, we are enough. Our very essence, our very being, our very existence is enough to be worthy of love, connection, and belonging. Living in societies that demand us to prove ourselves, and create the illusion that we can measure our worth and our value, we measure each other’s perceived and idealized worth by several things: the money on our bank accounts, our job titles, salaries, degrees, our level of productivity… hell, even actions by means of routines and habits. We have sets of cultural and social ideals of what is likable and acceptable and the opposite thereof.

We are constantly being taught what matters, who matters, and what one ought to do to matter in these ever-changing societies. I was in a loop of “I-should-be-someone-else-by-now” in terms of actions and patterns again, and this Note To Self quickly came to me as a reminder that I matter because I am here. Irrespective of what I do today. Irrespective of my accomplishments and productivity. Irrespective of my habits. I matter because I am.

India.Arie, a woman I so very much admire, once said, “I am worthy, and I’m significant, and I matter because I exist. Not because of my accomplishments, but because I exist. And I’m deemed no less worthy by anything I’ve done or anything that has been done to me.” This struck me and stuck with me. There’s so much wisdom here, so much truth here. Aggh, I love India.

The more I learn about the social reality and the more I experience the presence of the force I call God in my life, I keep getting the reassurance that the manufactured reality we live in is so very flawed that we’d fail ourselves BIG TIME if we were to attach our sense of worth and value to its constantly changing standards. It is out of an infusion of Peace and Love from somewhere that surpasses my limited understanding that I tell you this: we matter because we exist – not because of anything we do or fail to do. Our existence – as lost and insignificant as it may seem, or as bright and full of hope as it may appear – has immense value, regardless of how it may feel.

Questioning my actions is needed if I want to improve, but questioning my worth is unnecessary, for I am worthy because I exist.

While I may have aspirations and desires that could make me feel more aligned with my sense of preferred self, I will continue to remind myself, often, that nothing I do will make me matter more than what I do now. Not for the Force that brought me here anyway. It is in remembering that nothing I do will make me worthy of my Creator’s love, grace, and support, that I get to be, love, and create without conditions. While I’m becoming someone I have to yet meet with every moment of growth, and I take pride in these milestones, my actions don’t make me less or more deserving of connection and belonging. My thoughts and actions are not my being. Just like with this Note, I will keep remembering that I am loved and supported even on my lowest days and when I feel the ugliest, least aligned, and when I fuck up. I know that my feelings of unworthiness have nothing to do with my actual value. I give thanks for another reminder of this Truth.

I hope that this Note can serve you too as it served me, to remember that what the world dictates, what cultures tell us, and what societies impose on us don’t have anything to do with who we are and our right to belong. Don’t fall for the trap.

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